Yesterday I watch the documentary on Netflix “I just killed my dad” . A lot of light bulbs turned on in my head as the story developed. One thing I notice that was really confusing and disturbing, was how drugs and alcohol becomes “the problem” or “the reason” or perhaps the excuse for abuse. Of [...]
These unspoken invisible rules in the US I am still not use to…. I find it so hard after 13 years working at including myself into a brand new culture, and language, to hear someone say. “ Hey I ll come over and help you fix the floor in your kitchen” or let s go [...]
You, all powerful, all loving. You all say. Do you even hear me when I tell you that you have completely forgotten about me and a hand full of us here on planet illusion where we forget who we truly are. You have abandoned us. Remember that day I kneeled down next to my older [...]
I was done. Done with enduring the hurt from punishment and isolation. It was following me everywhere. I could not ignore nor avoid it like my brother was able to. It hunted me. It had become a shadow I could see standing behind me with a knife. That day was an one of those days [...]
She, who ever she is, if she is giving me zero loving energy, ghosting me after she read the message, not responding. You scare ppl away by looking at there wrong doing. In seeing the worse in everyone and arguing about it in the privacy of your own head, intoxicating your heart, suffocating the awareness [...]
Talking to my dad, clarity sits in my mind. Some of the ideas he mentions sum up the condition he has learned and passed on to me that I faithfully passed on to my daughter. The external reality has the power to move us in what ever direction the external reality moves. It’s calm and [...]
Around my dad as a kid I was terrified. I was saying yes to all that s how I stayed safe. I would let him lead our space, my space. Space to space to talk, space to process hard things with an adult support. and finally I would also let him be in charge of [...]
Alone with my parts. Monday morning right after I seeing the end of the movie the I fell asleep watching last night, TheProfessor with Mr Depp, I find us sitting on the couch staring at the hairs Fluffy had shedded in her cage the previous summer and that I refuse vacuuming to mark that space [...]