I find it really challenging to sit down and write at a moment of a crises or when a big event in my life shows up like what is currently going on with the corona episode….

It seems like I have an urge to live in the moment of an ongoing crises and as it unfolds I am finding pieces of myself in the process and as the purpose of what this event has for me only are being being revealed I bring the pieces together and the confusion of the crises that brings an intense emotional atmosphere around me disappears. Writing about an ongoing transformational occurrence transfer the inspiration I have to fully experience what occurs to find the words that best describe this occurance.

A cocktail of emotion appears at the surface. The fear to loose my life in a suffocating condition if the virus would reach my lungs. The anger towards the company I work for, asking me to risk my life and exposing myself to the virus as they urge me to continue working while everyone else can remain safe at home. The unjustice felt when my salary decreases instead of going up. The constant alerting  from the media bombarding every single app on my phone with death ideas and threats.

Hearing everyone around drawing  their own conclusion some fearful some spiritual some very zen.

The bubble I see around each country and establishments, belief systems,  routines,  around everyone I know, the one I see around myself seemed to have popped and allowed a chance to reconnect and let a change that was prayed for to take place. As a new life style is being imposed on our world for a minute only to pause on what had become an obligation or a fake given purpose to stablelize a formed identity and I am thinking why reformulating a new bubble. Let that pause button have the true purpose of a change the world was asking toreally take place.

The time, the days goes real fast since everyone is home and I am out there working.

I hear all kind of opinions about the current situation that is backed up by some network videos and media reports ….. Then Whom ever talks to me about a new discovered conspiracy, looks at me like I have to be in agreement with their display of informations and I am not.  I also don’t tell or preach to people my theory and opinions on how the virus got spread and why and what will happen next or impose my ideas on what needs to be done during the period of confinement where the  business world is on stand by and seemingly collapsing our economy.

I see a planet with less fuel comsuption and therefore cleaner. I see less ppl outside rushing through life, stressing out and taking it out on other drivers who are slower. I notice more birds and wild life appearing the same silence I crave in the early morning is stretched out through out the days. I also see an opportunity to make a choice to turn my attention outside and listen to a bunch of stories that will tempt me to gossip and criticize or to not look so much for outward distraction and be present with a totally new moment that is being reformulated.

I could do more yoga more writing some painting. I would like to have a certain discipline and bring myself  to do what is good for me, what inspires me like art and yoga, but I don’t seem to bring myself to it. It seems like turning the TV on today tomorrow this action has already become a routine, I get bored by a routine, doing the same action over and over again does not inspire me and takes me out of my creative mind. I reject having to do something repeatedly. I need to do something entirely new every day. I forget that I have to get dressed everyday but I don’t have to wear the same clothes every day. The yoga I do today can be and will be different tomorrow and different every single other time.

So my baby girl turned 18, 2 weeks before the corona virus travelled to our area and closed everything up. I am so  greatfull we had the chance to celebrate this intimate moment we had this one in a life time opportunity together at the Sundara spa, it is one beautiful memory we will cherish for ever. I wanted her 18th to be memorable and for the first time in such long time one of my wish for Kiki and I to achieve was finally granted.

A week after this celebration my little girl who is learning the struggle of having to provide for herself financially, comes up with an idea that will bring her instant gratification, at a cost of entering into a dimension where she could loose herself entirely. Where drugs alcohol and rape is a most likely to happen. I advised her otherwise in a settle way as I was actually afraid for her safety, and her plans were suddenly over and robbed by the closure of all small business around here and a forced confinement for most everyone. Still in the need of paying her rent, food and  her phone plan she walked into this other dimension that I am sure is literally changing her whole perceptive on life right now. She is transforming by becoming the one who was around her these last years of intense crises and having to forgive herself in this young lady she is now caring of professionally. The young girl my daughter was asked to her personal care assistant for is herself a couple of years back. Today she is asked to become friend and loving to the part of herself she probably didn’t like very much.