After a long fase of day dreaming into a bubble of formulated ideas that I unconsciously create to sooth an appetite for comfort and safty, I slightly open my eyes and realize that what seems real to me, what seem to be so important, so valuable, so safe, and so comforting, so yummy is actually a masking screen sweetly decorated with what feels very familiar and what was once recorded informations and became a program that I would play and replay over and over again just to avoid  a certain intensity which was only avoided because it was very real.

In my mother’s woom where I already sensed fear, stress and the depression that is programmed into a human daily dreaming life. As I was receiving my mother’s energy and messages about this world being a disappointment I also felt warm and light, gently carried and very protected. Free to grow free to injest and release exactly what I needed to transform into a healthy baby. The sounds of my sister crying and my father screaming were muffled so the intensity of the pain they communicated was deemed down to the point that what was hurtful to one became a costume to me. Hipnotized into a fetus stage for nine month awakening to a stage of birth and after birth clogged my heart with dense and heavy salted tears. Remembering my previous stage brought a smile into my face and my mother called me Jean qui rit et Jean qui pleure meaning ” one minute I cried no one ever knew why the next minute I would burst into laughters for no apparent reason.

Awakening from one stage to an other, a spiritual awakening, is realized by a state of mind that is designed for the return of the soul to it most original state. I exerciced a practice to reenforce and speed up a process of awakening in doing the daily lessons of a course in miracles. A mind training to release a dense energy I was trapped into.