Right now I am so upset. My 18 years old is out of control with her life and expects me to be available and on my guard for her 24/7 to drop my plans, my state of mind, the rest that I need between work, in order to accommodate her needs to snap out of this overwhelming emotional states she gets herself into. When I reached out to the one person I usually reach out to, who is involved in her recovery program whom she is suppose to reach out to when she struggle, she says I am crossing a boundary and now I look like I am this mother who s running her daughter’s program. Also when I am trying to explain that we need some boundaries here, she twists things arround and no communication is ever possible and being made. I try to explain to her that I am not available for her 24/7 and that at times she will have to reach out to other ppl and possibly professional ppl in her program to get support. Dropping off on me, her load of accumulated trash she puts on herself because she hasn’t learned to unload them one at a time on a daily basis, can not always be the only option.  It is frustrating because energetically I don’t want to be constantly on the watch out for my daughter to show up and expect me to press this immediate pause bottom on my life, to assist her and watching her spinning destructive thoughts in her head that keeps her in a firm position of a victim. Having to listen to her saying frantically things like I am going to end my life, I hate it all I hate everything about it and what ever I do or don’t to support her in that moment seems to contribute to her getting worse.

I am going through my own transformation at this point and it seems like she insists that her burden has to be included in this new space I am entering into.

I have some disturbing discomforts in my stomach coming from this inability to communicate what needs to be specifically communicated in terms of boundaries, to my daughter. Not being heard and having this exaggerated expectation on me to carry her, not only when I can but as an obligation. A life death expectation 24/7 because I am her mother according to her beliefs, well this obligation now stands like wall between her and I and this natural mother daughter flow of love is blocked by that wall. As she enter into my safe space, move me out of the way to make it her safe space I am not at ease with this attitude of  righteousness “this is my right to manipulate myself into taking over your life, turn it upside down when ever it suits me, just because you brought me into an evil world that I can not face and deal with on my own”. Now mother rescue me from my own insanity and pick up that level of pain I have inside me and carry it for me until I can breath again, then give it back to me because in truth it defines who I am and excuses my behavior when I become dysfunctional and abusive with my loved one.

So here is what I have to say to that attitude. I did my fare share and continue to do so of necessary work  and transformation, to not have to depend on others or outside sources to peacefully breath clean air and to harmoniously drink pure water, to cleanse the debris that denies me access to the part of me I can fully rely on a force within me so I remain sane consistently. Now it is your turn to do the work so you reach a level of wisdom to get to your goal in opening your mind and your heart to yourself instead of turning towards me and expecting me to do your work for you. It is a life learning lesson that started for you the moment you claimed your independence from interferences that stopped you from being whole, at an earlier fase in your own journey.

I would like to include in this post some of the practice I have learned with non violent communication. In this particular situation when I switch my mind into NVC mode I would first try and attempt to indentify feelings first then needs.

What was I feeling when I was first presented with the opportunity to drop everything I was doing to assist my daughter in her crisis?