I have discovered, after struggling with this topic of emotional dysregulation since I was a child, that my dad, my husband then my daughter have been using this strategy around me to make sure I anderstand that they are in charge and in control of the space and situation we share together. To get her way and her wants met, my daughter has learned around her father, when he had enough of fulfilling her endless list of demands and expectations, when saying yes to her one more time became absolutely absurd, to throw herself  into this intense panicky emotional out of control state. This uncontrollable emotional state has become her strategy to manipulate what she tries to maintain a control over. Her father would say she screamed so loud the neighbors would complain and I would have to give her her way. That is how she learned to use emotional dysregulation to control a situation she doesn’t seem to be able to control.

I find it so hard being around my daughter these days even though I am aware that she needs my support I am also asking myself, when do I draw the line and say enough is enough.  Her sadistic abusive urge to want to control what comes out of my mouth or not, is begining to weigh tones on me. How and where I position myself in our relationship is becoming ever so restricted there is hardly any rooms to move and to be myself around her. This topic is not new to me, this is the creation I live in since birth. It is sad to see that my daughter is part of my old creation and can not apparently leap into the new creation I am transforming into. I know my father isn’t able to be part of the new me as he still part of the old program we ran together.