It s 7am I am sitting down content and comfortably on my coach with my Matcha cup, reading out loud the weekly lesson for my NVC course and as I am reading a sudden and quite shocking event starts happening, I am hearing this internal voice talking to me about my daughter and letting me know that her move to Harizona is not going to make a difference to her condition in fact it will be the exact same result. My daughter is running away from where she live at present thinking that her addiction to hard drugs will magically disappear and all the reason she gave me to back up these words made all the sense in the world and I am supporting her in her new exciting experiment. Words and images of my daughter relapsing and finally dying are frantically getting my attention. As I am trying really hard to stay focus on reading the lesson the inner conversation carries on, words are being spoken to me louder and feelings are now starting to take over my upper body. A very icy sensation is moving through my back my arms neck shoulder and head, I thought i was going to faint. A panic ran through me an overwhelming sadness and fear was sitting down with me begging for my focus but this was overwhelming and the panic part stepped in and instructed the parts to move away and me to get up move, talk to someone don’t listen to these negative toxic parts inmate who are trying to sabotage this happy moment for you right now. As the part continued their attempt to really try and get my attention sadness and fear parts also they begged and reassured me that all they needed is to be heard and validated and have Self come up with a wise solution” we need you to listen to us …. can you sit and listen to us? it will not take long”. It was almost impossible the images I was seeing the words i was hearing were just more than i could handle at the time. I called for support. I called my therapist and she repeated a few comforting words to me “I can totally understand how hard it must be to sit with the feelings and words these parts are trying to communicate to you. She also added that any mother in my so delicate situation would have a really hard time with feelings and thoughts that may come up around this issue. Even a mother who s had the smallest trauma would at time dive into helplessness for a moment.
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