My daughter admitted herself to Roger memorial hospital in Milwaukee for detox yesterday. Prayers for kiki to find this spark of clarity within her to constantly make the choice of  remaining free of any kind interference so she can get on with creating her own path of setting herself free.  Last week I did a very intensive hypnosis regression session, focussed specifically on healing any blocks or interference between my children and myself. Kiki and Shaheen. Shaheen passed a year before kiki was born. This session toke me out of space and time and from that angle I was able to see the full picture with such clarity. It was one of to most moving and emotional (in a beautiful way) healing experience I have had. I was able to see out of time that I was finally ready to free both my children entirely during this session. In return, out of time, the children also saw my readyness and we were able to show one an other  how safe it is for us to set ourselves free from this (illusiory protecting condition we imprisoned each other) It was sweet to connect with my son and tell each other “we will meet again some sunny days” it is just an aurevoir. The song was playing in the back ground in my mind. I was able to see that I dont have to be protecting my children anymore for them to be safe because they can create this for themselves and they are safe only if they make that choice for themselves. Their choice have to be their choice only.  I was able to see that this contract we firmly held on too, of me protecting them for ever and them letting me protecting them was holding us in a spot of weakness, where we think that death exist and separates us, where we believe that we can protect each other from being unsafe where we think that everyone has abandoned but not us 3 we are not abandoned we have each other for ever. I then had to give myself  this endless role of fixing in kiki what was not fixable by me.  She gave herself the role of keeping herself in this constant need to be fixed by me. She doesnt have to do this anymore. The moment (through the hypnosis) we decided to release this pact we made of this mother protecting her children the moment kiki heard this clear message from out of time, she decided to get herself into detox. That is how fast it all went….. It is a total miracle I am accepting my part as a miracle worker, this tiny little shift in consciousness out of time. I was able to see that I dont need to make this choice of fixing what is not fixable in ppl, in my children, anymore.

This script I wrote for myself “I have to fix everyone else’s unfixable ordeal, then I can fix myself ” is no longer serving me. I was able to see that it is actually killing me. in disconnecting me from my source. I kinda played God. Every time I asked for help I received it and everytime I went back to this script and reentered this condition of suffering and fixing that suffering but not really.  These roles I assigned to ppl around me to hold me in this condition of fixing. These conflicts that generates a state of suffering of not getting any clarity, keeping me blind from seeing that my support network keeps me chained to being dysfunctional, and this condition is holding me away from connecting to my source. The pain that is created as I hold on to this same setting.  Replaying the same scenes over and over again. Keeping me comfortable and safe in being dysfunctional. Keeps me from standing still long enough to fully transform out of this loop. But not anymore.

I resigned, and now I am about to face everyone who was so loyal to me in supporting me in this dysfumctional network. I saw how  this exact setting is put in place for someone who decides to use drugs. Once the choice is made the addict, the conducter of his own show creates his own  support network to remains in the condition. The drugs will show up, the drug dealers also and everything that keeps the addict in this place. Every one plays a perfect role to keep the condition alive. At some point the conducter ends resenting the setting and the roles players and will move to an other location and find new ppl. Soon after the same setting will show up the roles will be assigne to new ppl and back to an merry go round. After resigning  i see the need for a little cleaning around me. Stating in thanking the ppl who palyed their roles in protecting this condition I chose for myself. I want to thank the guys who stood patiently outside my suffering network waiting for me to step out. These guys gave me the impression that they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt rejected and abandoned by them. They were simply waiting for me to step out. Letting everyone know from my network that they are free and I am free to let this whole thing go. To be continued