• I am happy tonight to allow myself fully feel this hard intense feelings of being completly alone of being isolated and having no one tonight around me to check on me or to share with and hang out with have fun. (expect our beautiful cats of course). So much sadness is coming up in this process i feel this little part this little girl who held her tears for so long not admiting to herself how hard it is to be unwanted to pushed out to the odd one out. Today I m not avoiding  these hard feelings nor pushing it nor denying it those hard thoughts “no one wants you”.  I did give my little girl some comfort let her have some popcorn and watch 2 episodes. A present adult them turn it all off and asked the little part to appreciate this beautiful summer evening. Together we  got these boxes in our new bed on the porch. And now I am taking my sweet ass plus some of my exited little part for a bike ride and we might say hi to our Lenst.
  • A part of me knows that some of my part are still stoke in that empty cold dark room all alone and afraid of this very insafe world.  But I am noticing that some parts are becoming curious stepping out slowly slowly asking the other shy parts to move a little and get out. Something new is unfolding for the parts who always thoughts they were left in that room to die alone eternally….. I also know that all the ppl at the academy were the  ppl who continue supporting my isolation, now I can let them go fully and open myself up for NEW ……
  • These parts who were terrified of being alone feeling so unsafe at home are not afraid at night anymore. A part in me still locks all the doors when we take a shower. The part who use to look behind all the doors under the beds and hidden corners to check if someone there as learned to relax more and more….. A part in me says No one sees me, no one knows or remembers me, apart from my husband and my daughter…..but that is changing …. Cause so far this protective part in me who attracted only ppl who would not see me nor include me in their plans nor  remember me is about to experience some changes ….. That part has me validating her thoughts. These thoughts ” I feel like I only exist for you the cats and kiki that s it. Does every one feel that way amd lies to themselves and deny it avoid it, I think so….