A mother who suddenly gets dropped a bombe and get told by a doctor that her child has cancer and it is terminal and it is estimated a month before death and a mother who’s child gets this invisible deadly disease that drives the kid to inject it s own pain killer until death are one of the same but then again the two situations are looked upon as one the angel child who died of cancer and the other the evil child who died from drug addiction.

The mother who s child is dying of cancer gets a lot of support and so does the child. The mother who child is dying of drug addiction gets shamed and isolated. The parent with the kid who is dying of cancer gets the chance to say goodbye to her child not the parent who s kid dies from drug addiction.

I find this devastating.

I have given myself permission to write my daughter a farewell letter. So she can have some dignity while she leaves her body.

If I don’t get a chance.

Dearest Kiki

I wanted to share this words with you just in case I did not get a chance before you moved on. I am ever so sorry that you gave up on yourself at such a young age with such potential…. I had no idea when I first held you in my arms that your life was going to be so short. I wish you courage and the very best for what comes next. It was sweet having you the first 12 years of your life. Farewell young soul. I will cremate the shell that surrouded you for 20 years, just so you know. I will feel the broken heart a mother feels when she looses a child, a second time. I will cry. I will hurt then I will keep on going about my own journey. You don’t ever have to look back and think “ oh shit I left my mother behind”. I will not be left behind I will keep on moving forward that s promise. I will let your ashes float free into the river Wisconsin…. I will continue on praying for your soule to learn how it needs to free itself. Journey on young Soul…. In this life time as your mother, I love you, even though I totally hate how you spent the last years of your life torturing yourself. Farewell kiki. With all my heart I will only cherish the best most beautiful memories of you and I will move on…. My last words to you the one that you can hold on too as you feel your last sensations in your body your last breath are…..I love you very much. I am sorry I wasn’t with you holding your hands will you were passing , I am sorry I didn’t get to hold you once more while your body was still warm. I love you. Your mummy.