I wake up every single morning with this urging expectation on myself to have enlightening thoughts popping into my awareness, to have me start this bright and amazing day and cary me light through any coming my way human challenges. Nope, instead I have these simple and absolutely not inspiring thoughts that makes very little sense to welcome and invite me into the early hour of the morning. Thoughts that limit my vison to a heavy chaotic the world and also limits my interactions with myself and the ppl in this world. Thoughts that are inspired, not by my Self or some bright creative happy ideas I might have explored in some of the inner work materials I am reading or listening lately, but by the yesterday anxiety and fear I was probably not been able to fully access and process. Do I resent that? I think I do, parts of me do. Parts of me resent the parts in me who can’t keep up with the safety and the extasie of that, that the present brings moment to moment. Parts of me so wish that instead of being reminded that there is a past that brings it s trauma into my every now I could directly access the guidance of Self and Jesus or some other spiritual masters who have successfully transcended their physical burdens and have become enlightened guides to those like me who wish to transcend their suffering and move on, but still have parts in them that want to sabotage and destroy any opportunity that come up for that occurrence. Parts in me have limits to how free and happy we can get. Accessing more is a threat to the parts in me who have so far kept me safe in a limited setting. My unlimited Self is what I would love to be inspired by, to trust and have faith in the second I fade out of the realm of my sleep as I rapidly reappear into my body, into my bed, into my room, into my memories into my day life. Parts are showing up for though parts who protect from what is not safe.

I ask for my childlike and my protective parts to gently move aside and invite the adult Self in me to inspire them and bring some clarity and creative energy into our daily life. To show us how that may look like. Praying? Yoga? Art? Walks? A way to earn money that can pay my car loan fast and the house and works and decorations in it?