This post is dedicated to our 11 year bunny who was just euthanized this morning at 10am. Fluffy brought me so many gift by just being alive and even when she left. She is soooooo sweet. I had a hard time knowing if she was ok because most of the time she acted like a very scared and very shy little bunny. I was very uncomfortable with moving her around to have her exercise and get a little break from the tinny little space she glued herself into.

1rst gift I learned from fluffy, no matter how terrified someone may be after experiencing a traumatizing experience they can be left alone and given the freedom to be themselves, take all the time they need to open up and feel safe. Not much is required to show the bunny that her home is her home and no one around here will be taking this away from her. It is possible to love someone and not involve touching and playing and cuddles. The interaction can be very little, very limited ever so gradual, until safety and trust is established until interest in interacting more naturally shows up. Even if, just like it happened with Fluffy, the readiness happens at the end of her sweet and precious life. Fluffy lived 7 years with her best friend Browny and when Browny passed away Fluffy lived 5 years by herself in her little pink house in the middle of our living area. So even though she was staying inside her house and unwilling to step out by herself even though it looked like she was all alone in her cage house aFluffy was very much aware and a part of our everyday life.

Today she is not in the little pink house and I feel the empty space inside. Located very close to the sofa in the middle of our living area, where I sit mornings and evenings, everyday after I wake up and before I go to work. We have been in each other s energy quietly and for my part unfortunately I have not always being aware of her constant presence. Today May 2022 it is over she is now out of the house. Fluffy gave us the gift of assisting and supporting her closely until the last bit of her heart. Thank you little bunny you have no idea how precious you are and how precious everything is in my life when I think of you.

You don’t have a pea brain at all, this I also what I learned from you Fluffy. You connected with me in ways I wasn’t always able to understand. Our last interaction with a little head push on my chick when I leaned towards you to give you a last kiss and said a conscious goodbye to you. That little gesture was everything, even if until now I am not sure if you were telling me shit what s going on here are putting me down have you given up on me? I m scared” or don’t worry it s all good farewell and thank you for having me around. Thank you for loving me caring for me the best you new how. Thank you for never forgetting to feed, me give me clear water everyday and you could have a little better cleaning my surroundings. Thank you for get me chew toys and making attempts to get me out of my comfort zone even when I showed you I hated it. Thank you for cleaning my butt and cutting my long nails you were so afraid to cut because you didn’t want to hurt me. And thank you for training the cats to be kind and gentle with me. Making is safe for me.

I never forget the day Donna came to our previous appartement where fluffy was freely running around the kitchen area and she told her with a gentle and loving tone Hello fluffy look at you you are so pretty. Fluffy was listening and was totally present with Dona s kind and loving energy.

She responded to love and gentleness. It was beautiful to see. Fluffy is an period in our life and I can’t help thinking that she left with a lot more than I am aware of at this point. Her life her presence in our life was so much more than just a little pet sitting a corner of our life to decorate that space until she dies. The bunny energy is beautiful. It is so precious. The lack of the predator energy in a bunny is something else. I love you fluffy you are so beautiful and I hope I can still connect with you and that you are in a better place now. Browny is gone a while back but I still feel you I still feel your sweetness your innocence. Your innocence. A period in our lives, Browny, the end of our Academy years, Arbour glen, the first 11 years of our married life. Kiki s childhood. Lenny. Some pretty intense moment during kiki s crises when the police showed up and kiki was out of control and she kicked the cage I saw fluffy not moving but also not hurt. Browny had already left. She was alone experiencing a lot of crises. Those memories live with fluffy and my motherhood too. How strong and alert you have been until the last minute of your life. For the last three weeks I would say this it our fluffy is transitioning we r not going to see her tomorrow. I try and could imaging how it could feel without you but I couldn’t and now that you are gone it s hard I miss you . I never thought your departure would devastate me that much…. It was so hard to see you struggle these last weeks. You couldn’t walk anymore. I think you didn’t want to go to sleep because you were trying so hard to stay alive. I had to wash you daily because you peed and pooped on you. You smelled really bad the last two weeks. Then the last two days you couldn’t chew on your favorite food bananas and cranberries. I just saw you drink no more hay no more dry food no more watercress and arugula. I held you in my harms told you it was safe to go and to relax you did. You almost fell asleep but then walk up in the car. You were alert and conscious until the sedative given by the vet hit your system and relaxed you. I miss you little bunny a lot more than I anticipated it. Wow.

A few days have passed since we last saw fluffy, your space is all cleaned up and missing your sweet porky bear face. Every moment of the day I notice your Fluffy corner and I feel your energy and you life force in the pink house. That corner is yours and your only my Fluffy. I think about where your spirit must be times and I can’t help the part in me who thinks you are stoke in your body because we buried you to fast. This part might be telling the truth and then an other part, my fixing part says “I want you to know that I can do my best to help you facilitate your escape from being stock. An other tells that part don’t you we need to unstuck ourselves first so we can show Fluffy the way out. Then the part says you are absolutely right.

In the name of fluffy let’s free ourselves from being stuck. Stuck in trauma and fear response. This way we can leap into this parallel life of where having fun is a must and thinking that enjoying life is a bad thing is none existent. We can be happy even when ppl are upset. We can learn to play and be creative. Create yes. Where the birds songs transperce anything that separates me from my Soul and my loves ones soules, that touches every single cells I my body and heal them and bring warmth and a presence that make me feel full. I don’t ever have to have this idea floating in my head that I am alone and it s a threat and I have no friends and I am a lost cause that there is something wrong with me that I have to fix me and heal me, and work really hard at staying happy so I can extend only peace and sweetness and vibrate at a frequency that creates space and clarity in my mind and heart.

I can accept that I have outgrown people in my old community or maybe that others may also have outgrown me in getting better at being the perfect student of a course in miracles or some other mind set.

I would not have to think of what are the barriers that I still have up that prevents me from meeting people that would resonate and align more with the progress I have made in my life. I would know why I keep on returning to the old crowd I have outgrown and why this is safer somehow.

I have no idea if there are new friends out there for me and what prevents me from gravitating towards healthier ppl in my life. I wish I knew and I wish I knew how to remedy this. I wish I could get unstuck and help Fluffy to unstuck to if she is indeed stuck.

What has helped these last days without you was to watch this last few videos I took of you they are a great reminder of how sweet and lovely you are and also how hard it was to see you slowly deteriorate and die and see you struggle with that.