When strong feelings come up I immediately get into thinking. My mind start chatting away to match the intensity of what I feel. It usually is about something I did wrong that I have to figure out how I can correct, then punishment has to follow. Punishment is suffering and isolation. Or something someone did wrong that I need to correct and it s conflictual. When hard to be with feelings come up I have a hard time slowing things down for myself and stepping back and giving myself the compassion I deserve or need while feeling overwhelmed with this hurt that shows up to get attention. The hurt is still alive in my system it is evident. The past hurt from trauma is showing it face to be acknowledged even if most of the time I have parts who protect me from experiencing and interacting with the hurt. The hurt needs to be heard to be understood to be seen to be held to be validated to be loved to be released and recognize for what it was before it became this static dormant compact becoming poisonous energy that intoxicates me and the people around me. The old hurt that intoxicates everything I see. I see the hurt in the abuse that became familiar then normal everywhere I turn. The way my system deals with this, is the way it has learned to deal with it which was modeled by the people I had around me during my formative years. Judging and looking at what I am feeling as being wrong or being bad and criticize that. Using thoughts that are going to weigh me down or put someone else in a naughty corner who s not treating me right is the pattern I learned to keep me alive some how..