Why did they not let us go with the one who loved and wanted to genuinely all heartedly care for us? Our grand parents, ants,uncles? What makes two parents to not want to protect their children from the hatred they feel inside. What makes a parent to not want to protect his children from the rage and resentment they together feed on and creates an unmanageability that becomes toxic and super harmful? Choosing hatred and pain and suffering and torturing as a life style for a child is one of the most insane gesture I have ever witnessed. I had the opportunity to have more as a little girl, to be loved by the rest of my family. My family a birth right that my parents took away from me. Love nurturing happiness those were also taken away. Their excuse was “ We protect our children from the world’s love by hating them, that s love”. We could be the happy, playful, and grumpy children we needed and deserved to be. These were the thoughts that crossed my mind, that I told my brother, after he shared or reminded me, of the monstrosities, our parents had inflicted upon us. Monstrosities to try to take revenge on what they saw as life’s injustice.

No they preferred destroying us rather than seeing us happy. He said. They were suffering no one saw their pain and understood their suffering so we kids paid the price for that. We were shown and experienced the depth of their pain.

Now. I am moving away from the dark creation that they shaped together and I am learning that yes they made a passionate attempt to share the worse version of themselves and put me on the same path of destruction. They took away my rights to have a voice and make decisions as child to be happy to choose happy. To gravitate toward what brings the best in me so I can bring the best in all I touch and that crosses my path.

The one thing they never manage to touch, to see, to know, and to take away from me is intact. Unaffected. Untouched by any darkness by their desire to destroy the best in me. Impossible. The best in me is feast and much more. A table full of my favorite food untouched be growth hormones and pesticides. It is a house full of the gifts and life my grand parents had for me. It is a garden mixed of food plants for bees birds and butterflies. It is a warm loving tender silky hug. It is the deep meaningful connection I can have with a friend. Is funny and super cute. It has this harmonious energy that can invite a balance between light and dark while being on planet earth. It has a healthy and strong connection with both the multidimensional and three dimensional worlds. It knows when it is time to connect with either world and for what purpose.

That best in me is here for me to discover and connects with.

It has hidden well and is grateful for my system to have protected it. It shines bright and clear waiting for me to call it forward in a safe space so it shows it s beauty it s power it s grace.

I am sensing it is time that create a brand new space that is safe for this beauty, to explore and connect with the flowers it loves. It is so sweet and has shown it s little nose at times when I was safe. It feels like a cute smart beautiful little bird. Soft very very sweet.