In my IFS session yesterday I tried to connect with one of my little parts who seems stock in a certain setting. This setting was created to match the level of pain dad was in and that way he didn’t see me as a threat and that way I was safe. As I approach the part, I saw a younger version of me walking away her head facing the ground, her eyes and forehead looked contracted I could see her angry in pain, upset and sad, but also very anxious to step out of that mood and get into trouble. That mood kept her on alert ready to act accordingly and adjust to her surroundings. I also noticed that the part was quite skillful in being able to incorporate dad s main old unhealed and burdened’s defense mechanism. She was able mirror or duplicate dad s behavior and internal voice that seemed a daily struggle and source of stress for the part. The voice and behavior that he used when he felt threatened and ashamed, and when his paranoia about other ppl putting him down kicked in. The internal voice doesn’t sound exactly like dad s voice and that makes it very confusing. The gesture, the behavior, the mind set, all were matching dad’s only it seemed like the transfer had molded into my personality. With K my IFS therapist we approached the part asked her how old she was and I noticed right away that she was to busy keeping it together and continue on playing her role as dad s reflection. I did not get a specific reply about her age but when we asked her what her role in my system was she knew exactly what that was. She said I make sure dad s happy with me and he like me best when I hurt like him. So regulating dad s emotions is what you do best in the system?  What is that? she said. You control your behavior to how he likes you to be that way you  make sure dad s emotions don’t get out of control. Yes she said…. Ok now what do you think could happened if you didn’t do your job well or if you stopped doing what you do. I noticed a sudden change right after asking the question and saw the little girl getting really scared and nervous, closing off, shying away from me, as if I was distracting her away from her focus and threatening to take away her survival mechanism. An other part stepped in. Hold it right here don’t even get closer now you are putting this little girl’s life in great danger, just stop. Go away now. You are not helping. You have no idea. Your help is going to turn into a complete disaster once you leave because dad s watching everything we do and the second we are alone with him again….. I m not going to say anymore, it s way to scary.  K stepped in and ask about the new part who just showed up about it s role and what was it afraid would happen. I m here to make sure this little girl is doing her job perfectly and that no one comes to disrupt or threaten her. So stop right here, you have no idea of how he is. You have no idea what will happen to her if she is not consistent in her role. At this point the part was fully blended with me. K asked if the part could give me a little space that way we can look at the whole situation together. The part said no I m stepping out. K decided to talk directly to the part and here is how the conversation went after introduced herself and me to the part.