Monthly Archives: September 2022

I wish with every cells in my body with all my heart that I could have available for you the warm inside of me that you need. That warmth you so desperately cling onto and demand of me is protected by an army of soldiers afraid that you will use it to hurt yourself and [...]

Spinny time …… more spinny times….. Do you remember turning around in your room in London having fun feeling the excitement of swirling like a dervish ….. This tinny video clip on your kid instagram wall I ve been watching over and over again. Makes me smile and reminds me of how full of life [...]

I don’t want to die Your system is still getting use to not use any legal or illegal substances.  You are in a phase of transitioning into relying on your mind and body s natural resources. It will feel like a death experience. But that kind of death you need to celebrate. All the pills [...]

The inner critic in IFS My inner critic controls a lot of how I feel about myself. and how I feel inside my body. It is like a heavy blanket on me that slows me down. It slows me down in my ability to be creative. It speeds me up in my thinking and gets [...]

I m getting out today, my friend s giving me the money to bail me out. No……. Absolutely not….. stay inside a little longer until we have you in rehab, please use this moment inside to strengthen the part in you who does not want the drug and to weaken the other part of you [...]

I am a slave of my shadow’s moods and impulses. Seeing this tells me how weak I am to what I have made powerful. One with it s dark pattern, manipulated by it. It is happy and so am I, it is furious and I am lost in it’s confusing chaos. It bargains it threatens, [...]

My system is noticing the changes from the old and tired ready to give up, to something else, something very new, yet quite familiar to my soul. This game of external power I exercised with my surrounding for a while is slowly being disactivated. You think you can still give me the responsibility of your [...]

Bored. It is so boring here. Me and myself how boring…. First night sleep on day 8 Stress….. wild fight happened yesterday. The worst jail in the county to be in. I have hardly no access to the outside. No tablets like they have in Baraboo. What ever happened to privileged me. I was born [...]

My darling daughter. I feel you. I don’t want too, but I do. I feel you. It feels good. Safe to know where you are today. Tomorrow and the day after. You are alive. Away from the shadow of the corner of the streets where awaits your predators, where death moves so close to you [...]