I no longer want to be this refreshing fruit you eat while you cross through the night of a deserted and scary place in your mind.

Therefore I speak up and refuse to all your made up ideas about me to comfort yourself with.

I am not a friend. I am not an ally. I am not here to support you to carry with you the load of what is so screwed up in your mind.

For once I said no and it took all the strength I have to defy an authority you had me convinced it was a true one. That yes I was told to politely repeat and use in all your demands even when a NO burned my tongue, I did not use.

Instead I defied those rigid ideas that you use to keep you and I an ally in being a slave. A slave to self pain and suffering.

A slave to a mind set I am slowly unplugging myself from. I am not a possession of yours you can mold anymore. Our values are opposing one another and this is refreshing to see.

I am freeing from what you have engraved in what was once vulnerable and to small to walk away from. I have enough Self energy to no longer fully depend on your opinion about me.

That explains why I gave my voice an opportunity to be heard even though I know you are too far away to hear the truth in my words.

I honored what I value most, and I am learning to be at peace with the fact that what I value you have never been able to validate and see.

I give myself the space to recover after getting lost in the chaos of a mind that is still very familiar. An automatic response to what I experienced is still what I know best.

I recognized I was getting disoriented while connecting with him.

This dark energy in his presence I taped in, brought back the time I use to get pulled into a vortex of confusion.

Thank God I remember today that I am not the confusion and all that noise he chose to identify with and keep me a prisoner of so he doesn’t have to feel so lonely.

I no longer want to be this refreshing fruit you eat while you cross through the night of a deserted and scary place in your mind.

So I speak up. I find the voice I needed to hear.