Bored.

It is so boring here.

Me and myself how boring….

First night sleep on day 8

Stress….. wild fight happened yesterday.

The worst jail in the county to be in. I have hardly no access to the outside. No tablets like they have in Baraboo. What ever happened to privileged me. I was born to get it all to be all and I have nothing I am no one here. Just a piece of flesh moving around a senseless reality.

Curious of everyone and alert of every sounds for distraction, ready for the next person I can use I can get something out of. The next one who will fall into my trap and become my loyal servant. Feel sorry for me I got here where I am through victimhood.

Serve me. Anyone accomplish my demands. Anyone. I don’t care if you steal from me all I want is you to tell me you will do what what I ask you to do.

My ex s sister got hold of my $300 and took of for her use of drugs. $300 my freedom being used for the very first thing that got me inside.

Addiction is merciless it has no heart. It doesn’t care about damages and disconnects it destroys with pleasure. You can not trust each other around here. In this mafia circle of addicts.

No clock.

The food…. Disgusting.

Nothing to do all day.

I can not stay here a whole month. I won’t last a month here it s too much.

An opportunity to reset your system. You highjacked and imprisoned yourself for a few years. A month to experience how scared you truly are of yourself when you don’t distract and numb away some intensity you block out.

Give yourself a chance to realize what s really happening inside and how deeply hurt and disappointed you feel.

Life was supposed to be this endless giving, this endless taking, this endless pleasure, and feel good, yet it turns out that life has a real dark uncomfortable side and I only can step out of the shadowy cold scary patch I find myself in. Only I can bring the light into the dark side of life not the drugs not the external world I am a slave to not money not food and sugar. Only and simply the treasures I pocess within.

How can I discover these inner treasures when all my attention is fixed externally. How can discover my inner strength when I have given my power away to a world that is unreliable inconsistent and at time heartless.

I feel better.

I am never going back on heroin….

Me thinking her mother…. You are never going back on heroin and … finish your sentence….. or any other drugs.

You look better though the smile was one of someone trying to convince.

Look I m all good now I m my old self again I can get out and play again.

In a limbo. No phone, no chemicals, no nicotine, no sugar, no card games. No pen and paper to write down your thoughts.

I have no money.

Here everything cost money.

The money for my medicine having lost my medical insurance privileges.

A pen a paper cost money making calls.

Threats, bargaining, manipulating the only language you know to tell me how bad it is feeling bored with your company and the company of other inmate who are deprived of numbing.

No distractions no cellphone no computer to use to distract. From my point of you it s total detox.