Yearly Archives: 2022

I was done. Done with enduring the hurt from punishment and isolation. It was following me everywhere. I could not ignore nor avoid it like my brother was able to. It hunted me. It had become a shadow I could see standing behind me with a knife. That day was an one of those days [...]

She, who ever she is, if she is giving me zero loving energy, ghosting me after she read the message, not responding. You scare ppl away by looking at there wrong doing. In seeing the worse in everyone and arguing about it in the privacy of your own head, intoxicating your heart, suffocating the awareness [...]

Talking to my dad, clarity sits in my mind. Some of the ideas he mentions sum up the condition he has learned and passed on to me that I faithfully passed on to my daughter. The external reality has the power to move us in what ever direction the external reality moves. It’s calm and [...]

Around my dad as a kid I was terrified. I was saying yes to all that s how I stayed safe. I would let him lead our space, my space. Space to space to talk, space to process hard things with an adult support. and finally I would also let him be in charge of [...]

Alone with my parts. Monday morning right after I seeing the end of the movie the I fell asleep watching last night, TheProfessor with Mr Depp, I find us sitting on the couch staring at the hairs Fluffy had shedded in her cage the previous summer and that I refuse vacuuming to mark that space [...]

This post is dedicated to our 11 year bunny who was just euthanized this morning at 10am. Fluffy brought me so many gift by just being alive and even when she left. She is soooooo sweet. I had a hard time knowing if she was ok because most of the time she acted like a [...]

Since I have been more aware of different parts in my inner system I am getting a little better at noticing them showing up as thoughts and sometimes as tensions in my body. I am not always aware of how or when exactly my parts show up. However yesterday as I was waking up from [...]

I wake up every single morning with this urging expectation on myself to have enlightening thoughts popping into my awareness, to have me start this bright and amazing day and cary me light through any coming my way human challenges. Nope, instead I have these simple and absolutely not inspiring thoughts that makes very little [...]

My stomach is hurting from an intensity I have not felt for a very long time. When Shaheen my son died and I carried his little body in my arms for one last time before I had to hand him over to the nurse and it was goodbye. Fear. Agonizing fear was stirring and crunching [...]