About cecileb

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So far cecileb has created 109 blog entries.

You took my voice away but I am taking it back.

By |2022-08-11T18:14:21+00:00August 11th, 2022|Uncategorized|

Yesterday I watch the documentary on Netflix “I just killed my dad” . A lot of light bulbs turned on in my head as the story developed. One thing I notice that was really confusing and disturbing, was how drugs and alcohol becomes “the problem” or “the reason” or perhaps the excuse for abuse. Of [...]

Lips service and having to guess

By |2022-08-10T14:47:10+00:00August 10th, 2022|Uncategorized|

These unspoken invisible rules in the US I am still not use to…. I find it so hard after 13 years working at including myself into a brand new culture, and language, to hear someone say. “ Hey I ll come over and help you fix the floor in your kitchen” or let s go [...]

Alive just to save my life?

By |2022-08-06T04:03:27+00:00August 6th, 2022|Uncategorized|

I was done. Done with enduring the hurt from punishment and isolation. It was following me everywhere. I could not ignore nor avoid it like my brother was able to. It hunted me. It had become a shadow I could see standing behind me with a knife. That day was an one of those days [...]

It’s ugly yucky it s all dark

By |2022-08-06T02:55:54+00:00August 6th, 2022|Uncategorized|

She, who ever she is, if she is giving me zero loving energy, ghosting me after she read the message, not responding. You scare ppl away by looking at there wrong doing. In seeing the worse in everyone and arguing about it in the privacy of your own head, intoxicating your heart, suffocating the awareness [...]

The power is external, inside is invisible

By |2022-07-05T15:36:01+00:00July 5th, 2022|Uncategorized|

Talking to my dad, clarity sits in my mind. Some of the ideas he mentions sum up the condition he has learned and passed on to me that I faithfully passed on to my daughter. The external reality has the power to move us in what ever direction the external reality moves. It’s calm and [...]

All alone in the house

By |2022-05-18T11:40:06+00:00May 18th, 2022|Uncategorized|

Alone with my parts. Monday morning right after I seeing the end of the movie the I fell asleep watching last night, TheProfessor with Mr Depp, I find us sitting on the couch staring at the hairs Fluffy had shedded in her cage the previous summer and that I refuse vacuuming to mark that space [...]

Fluffy

By |2022-05-03T15:54:39+00:00April 28th, 2022|Uncategorized|

This post is dedicated to our 11 year bunny who was just euthanized this morning at 10am. Fluffy brought me so many gift by just being alive and even when she left. She is soooooo sweet. I had a hard time knowing if she was ok because most of the time she acted like a [...]

A part

By |2022-04-17T03:06:48+00:00April 17th, 2022|Uncategorized|

Since I have been more aware of different parts in my inner system I am getting a little better at noticing them showing up as thoughts and sometimes as tensions in my body. I am not always aware of how or when exactly my parts show up. However yesterday as I was waking up from [...]

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