I often struggled with the idea of stillness when I make attempts to meditate because I confused stillness with a state of being frozen and parts in me interpreted stillness has the opposite to being hyperactive or controlling that state of hyper-activeness and mold it into a false sense of stillness. Which looks very much [...]
“My mom sent us a Christmas package by the post” B says all excited. I share in his excitement and look forward to the day the gift arrives at our house. On my way back home from work 4 weeks after Christmas, B is on the phone talking with me as he also is driving [...]
When my daughter tested positive for covid the doctor suggested to have her isolated somewhere for 10 days. In her condition we didn’t want to take the risk in having her stay with us at that point her substance use had increased a lot and she was doing it intravenously. We have zero tolerance for [...]
This morning I am aware of a few parts showing up after this last night conflict episode with Bastiaan at home and Kiki over the phone earlier on at the hospital. I want you out of my life you trigger the hell out of me mom. Yes I trigger the hell out of you because [...]
Twenty years ago, in 2002, January, I was eight month pregnant. I knew I had a little girl inside me. I remember at times feeling anxious as I was connecting with her but not really knowing exactly why I felt this way. It seemed like an unknown yet intuitive, message sent out to my mind, [...]
Right this second I am ever so grateful for the trees around our house the unpolluted pure air I am able to inhale. The nature, the birds the deers passing through and the squirrels chasing one another to probably stay warm and entertain my cats watching them through my two bedroom windows. It brings a [...]
Self I called the attorney’s office to pay Kiki s legal aid fee. I hear a young female’s voice on the receiving end. How can I help? She says. I would like to pay off my daughter’s legal aid fee. I replied. Ok what is her name she says? Her name is Kimia then I [...]
I was describing to my IFS fellow traveler, feeling dense disconnected confused and heavy after having had an hour long conversation with my dad. I was very tempted to make him the one responsible for how I was feeling. My friends stops me and asks. Have you ever heard of dissociation? Parts in me went [...]
I am not asking me to disconnect myself from the limited part of me which right now is my body and the intellect that accompanies the body through out the day. I am not asking me to fly off and dissociate with the body to remain only in this unlimited space that has the capacity [...]