A week ago when Kiki walked out of sober leaving because the meds she was prescribed were giving her side effects she couldnt handle, when she urgently decided to unconsciously sleep walk herself back into the life style that destroyed her these last young years of her life. I once again experienced terror, I went [...]
One of the main reason I never wanted to use drugs and get lost in alcoholism to support the amount of suffering my childhood trauma has left me with when I walked away from an abusive home at age 15 is the hurt that I witnessed that my closed ones went through when a member [...]
The truth is….. Are you truly ready to do what it takes to stop using or are you still messing around and playing games. Leading me on just to keep you safe and occupied while you find yourself deprived of what is still valuable to you. The quick fix, the fake high, a dirty bandage [...]
To her husband. The one and only thing I need from you today you can not give it to me. An unconditional offering within you that can support us that can support me while I can gently and lovingly guide my daughter into a safe space for her to undergo her recovery. A safe space [...]
To start with. Have I ever felt safe? Describing a situation a moment when I felt so safe I knew that nothing could move me away from that place in my mind. That beautiful fresh and sunny morning, at 4 am. One of those unique moment when being light so early didn’t matter. West London, [...]
Self I called the attorney’s office to pay Kiki s legal aid fee. I hear a young female’s voice on the receiving end. How can I help? She says. I would like to pay off my daughter’s legal aid fee. I replied. Ok what is her name she says? Her name is Kimia then I [...]
For some parts in me not much seem to have changed since I was 4 or 8 years old. I don’t open my mouth without thinking that what I am saying is wrong and will get me into trouble. I don’t make one step forward or backwards without thinking I should shrink or defy this [...]
The last time I saw you, at the lake Delton parking lot. Picking up your bags of clothes from B’ s car, saying goodbye for ever because this whole situation is…..hopeless. Kirk, probably high, telling me that now is the time you really need me in your life, that he was taking care of you [...]
Day one of not using. I picked you up from Merrissa on Sunday drove us to the river and that was the last sort of precious moment I would have with you. As if this had been a set up to say our good goodbyes because if from this point on you do not save [...]
Every single time I do a meditation after I close my eyes and scan through my bodylook out and feel for the strongest sensations and allow the breath to soften any tension. I often notice a calm flow of awarness moving with ease through every part of the body after my breath visited them all [...]