Uncategorized

I experienced childhood as a torture in isolation, being a object to parents who would use me to take revenge on all that they hated most in their lives. Witnessing the most important ppl in my life destroying themselves, destroying their children and the relationships with a family who genuinely loved them but who s [...]

I am the piece missing that I long for, the love that I locate then search in everyone around me. The rest the stillness the quiet that speaks of wisdom and of peace that I am too. The friendship, the attention, the adoration, that I crave for or that I think others have and I [...]

For so long we (parts in me) relied on attack thought inner conflict to try and communicate the fear that is going on inside and the intensity that grows out of this, is what painted our days, our interactions with others. Moving from that space where chaos and war and destruction happen into a safer [...]

A Sunday afternoon calling my parents.My dad s right there on the front row, starving, getting something for himself in my world just like before. Is mom ok? How is she doing? is she here with you? I ask.He rapidly brushes that off. Gives me as little information as possible as if he wasn’t getting [...]

I wish with every cells in my body with all my heart that I could have available for you the warm inside of me that you need. That warmth you so desperately cling onto and demand of me is protected by an army of soldiers afraid that you will use it to hurt yourself and [...]

Spinny time …… more spinny times….. Do you remember turning around in your room in London having fun feeling the excitement of swirling like a dervish ….. This tinny video clip on your kid instagram wall I ve been watching over and over again. Makes me smile and reminds me of how full of life [...]

I don’t want to die Your system is still getting use to not use any legal or illegal substances.  You are in a phase of transitioning into relying on your mind and body s natural resources. It will feel like a death experience. But that kind of death you need to celebrate. All the pills [...]

The inner critic in IFS My inner critic controls a lot of how I feel about myself. and how I feel inside my body. It is like a heavy blanket on me that slows me down. It slows me down in my ability to be creative. It speeds me up in my thinking and gets [...]

I m getting out today, my friend s giving me the money to bail me out. No……. Absolutely not….. stay inside a little longer until we have you in rehab, please use this moment inside to strengthen the part in you who does not want the drug and to weaken the other part of you [...]

I am a slave of my shadow’s moods and impulses. Seeing this tells me how weak I am to what I have made powerful. One with it s dark pattern, manipulated by it. It is happy and so am I, it is furious and I am lost in it’s confusing chaos. It bargains it threatens, [...]