Four days passed since our last conversation and a part in me is very unhappy and hurting about having reconnected with dad. The part feels confused and frustrated and repeats what was said and it also have intense feeling of hurt and anger in the belly and chest area. I feel blended with the part [...]
I noticed lately how my dad puts firm limits on what he can or can not do in his life, with himself and others. He is very stricked with himself and other and displays an appearance that keeps ppl want to engage with him until they figure him out, then he feels that, and pushes [...]
I discovered a part in me who holds on to years of past hurts and resentments, this massive library loaded of only that. I can walk through îles of past hurt and scroll through shelves of stories that will back these up, with a couple of my parts and have them pick out a couple [...]
Saturday the 13th of March a week after Kiki s 20th birth day I called my parents to thank them for wishing her a happy birthday through the intermediary of Brigitte my aunt. As expected, due to both my dads urge to talk so much and my urge to need to explain how things works [...]
How is the mother of a 20 years old girl who has been struggling with severe mental illness for over 6 years not able to find a way out of this torturing nightmare after numerous visits different doctors at different clinics and trying one treatment after an other and the result is now her having [...]
I often struggled with the idea of stillness when I make attempts to meditate because I confused stillness with a state of being frozen and parts in me interpreted stillness has the opposite to being hyperactive or controlling that state of hyper-activeness and mold it into a false sense of stillness. Which looks very much [...]
“My mom sent us a Christmas package by the post” B says all excited. I share in his excitement and look forward to the day the gift arrives at our house. On my way back home from work 4 weeks after Christmas, B is on the phone talking with me as he also is driving [...]
When my daughter tested positive for covid the doctor suggested to have her isolated somewhere for 10 days. In her condition we didn’t want to take the risk in having her stay with us at that point her substance use had increased a lot and she was doing it intravenously. We have zero tolerance for [...]
This morning I am aware of a few parts showing up after this last night conflict episode with Bastiaan at home and Kiki over the phone earlier on at the hospital. I want you out of my life you trigger the hell out of me mom. Yes I trigger the hell out of you because [...]
Twenty years ago, in 2002, January, I was eight month pregnant. I knew I had a little girl inside me. I remember at times feeling anxious as I was connecting with her but not really knowing exactly why I felt this way. It seemed like an unknown yet intuitive, message sent out to my mind, [...]